have it

what do i do with my
self this body
little finger bent in place
hair curling off my toes
dark smudge next to my
soul that feels like
the pain of being alive
it does not leave only
lingers by my side
no matter where i travel
or who i threaten
to become here it is
the dread wrapping around
my arms the fear cutting
through consciousness
this body a boat of joy
and also pain, a tied-up
boat, a boat fated
to cry, to lose, to
forget at least

what do i do where do i
keep it. won't you have it.
can't you just take it. look
i know how to love
you. anybody but me
i love so good. it'll feel
like rain, how it drenches
away all the empty parts.
let me at least try. let me
call you silly names 
kiss your evening shadows
remind you that you should
write. let me cook you pasta
with too much parmesan.
let me look at you so
shiny-eyed you'll believe
you're meant to live. let me
lean against you, just fall

like the rain into your open
palms, won't you have me.
just give me a glance. mirror
this living-ness back at me.
let me feel alive for 
just the moment
let me feel like i 
deserve this
evening light falling on
all the plants and walls