April 11: Weekend Preludes

It began with a singular catastrophe -
a hilariously awkward coincidence, a
quietness that sat in my heart like a
melancholy familiarity, a silent loss.

Determined to make music
of my weekends, I resolutely
walked on, dust and crowds
gathering on my sorrow like
vultures - I called the sun my
friend and sweated with a smile.
If happiness wants to play catch,

I will run after it with
all I've got. I promised myself
this, I owe myself far too much.
Travelling alone in the streets of
Delhi - mysterious, narrow-eyed
and wide-laned, callous and kind,
pulsating, pulsating with life - I fly,
soar above my trembles and tears.

I plan with a vengeance, phone calls
and messages, a grid and a map in my
mind, until I am prepared. Looking out
various windows, wind tousling back
hair, I can see that I need this. I needed
the soft music and wine in coffee mugs,
the darkness of night sitting on me like
a shroud; I needed the silence.

Now, I need noise. The metro whizzes
past, and there's always someplace to be -
old friends and new, the crackle of beer cans
swaddled in a checked shirt, glugging down
in turns, between giggles and conversation.
The sun beats down on Connaught Place
despite curtain of clouds, and sets my skin
on fire. Laughing and walking, intoxication
and reclamation. A strange mix. The streets are
nearly empty, and so are the cans. Beer and sun
wrote hope on my arms, and winding walks down
darkened Delhi that night settled gentle joy like
dust in my hair. Street lights and April showers,
every word said in jest and yet, every word carrying
the weight of days of darkness and stagnation. Hope,
gathered in pools of lights on rainy flyovers, folded
into the warm blankets and hot showers of a home,
offered in fragmented smiling exchanges over tea.

I never knew I would find hope in dusty Delhi streets,
in weekend preludes lightly brushed with alcohol and
independence, in emptying my mind of the foliage
that grew there for days. Salvation comes sometimes
in cities - I smile, and I can make music again.