sleepwords

I wake at 4, or else

have not slept at all. 

I do not disturb the bathroom dark,

I pee and scratch in dimness. 

Back in bed I coax

this body of mine

to relax. There is an aching leg

I must carry through this night.

I have been here before, will be

here again. Sometimes still

the aloneness makes me panic,

makes me uncertain, reckless.

What is it I believe in? All words

muddled without light or love.

Through is the only direction

to go. I dream of the sea, of jokes, of friends,

of sleek playful dolphins in the dapple of waves.