20: sleep

these days as i near sleep
i have been travelling far
into the dark rooms

there are some
unexpected pleasures, like
i can hear my grandparents
talking to me, asking why
i came down the stairs
to the chilled study,
if i would like a sprite
or pistachios from a bowl?

b-ma frequents each corner
of the house in my memory.
bottom of the stairs
with cake. in the garden
with a hose, always killing
the grass. in the kitchen,
hovering. her voice on
the phone. & sometimes
she sits in the study with him,
her limca-&-lime iced
her snacks salted
her elbow flesh waxy
and the softest thing i knew.

b-pa is only there, in that
study, often alone. he asks
what i am reading. the last
few years he did not hear
but before that he would
listen. his eyes directed.

it is not only pain
to go there anymore.
i hear their voices
if i concentrate
& it feels lucky.