9: things i must change

some days my life 

feels like the news:

all general disaster

chaos at a turn

nothing that i can 

control

but even just that

you see? the first thing

i'll change 

when i can

is this: i'll stop trying

to make it all

make sense

i'll stop trying to control

*

but i circle around and

again return: should i not

be able to master

myself

better than this, a lion 

that paws, a dog that

smears rugs and barks

at the kids? what sort 

of weak person-tamer 

am i, what sort

of lowly will?

*

so change the self

but do not pretend

that the life of the self

is yours to mend

it's a car you drive

but its limbs extend yours

and, despite caution, it

sometimes explodes?

*

if i'm the one

that tames, and i

refuse this taming,

then do i still

eventually win?

in the sense of a

beast that accidentally eats

its own poor, unwise flesh?